yep, i'm back on tour...

So we bought this whole Wizard of Oz package from the UK, inclusive of sets, costumes, props, wigs, etc. Everything except actors because the director and choreographer came along as well.

We received costumes for all of our actors with no doubles and none of the clothes are rigged with snaps or velcro to make our quick changes easier. This must mean that in the UK nobody ever gets sick and calls out of a show (take me there, immediately!) and every dresser is fast enough to get actors in and out of their clothes without quick rigging (seriously, when are we leaving...?)

But in the good old US of A where actors get sick days, this means endless builds and alterations for us, of course, because all you have to do is mention the word "tour" and a raging cold crossed with a rare strain of malaria sweeps it's way through the cast and people start calling out right and left. Add to this the fact that the powers that be have decided we don't need a female swing (only 9 women in the show and surely none of them will ever get sick...) which will mean endless split tracking in the, you know, rare event that the girls call out because they are dead or dismembered or something.

Plus, our male swing is taller and bigger than every boy in our ensemble so we will need to build him his own set of costumes for every role. Because of his stature, they started by saying that he wouldn't cover the munchkins (because seriously, the kid is 6'2"). But then they started looking at the cast and we got word today that he would indeed cover the munchkins as well and would need "a special munchkin outfit" that the designer hadn't designed or approved yet because he had no idea a 6+ foot man would ever be called into munchkin service. I mean, really???

Our costume coordinator, when hearing the news upon being told that the swing would be staged "further away from the other munchkins to give the illusion of shortness" barked:

"How far away does he have to get before he looks short? Kansas???"

And maybe you'd have to had to endure 3 10-hour days of fittings to find that funny. I found it hilarious. And even now will find myself saying "kansas!" and falling into gales of laughter. Clearly, this is going to be the longest year ever...

But the crowning moment was when we realized that there was only one cover for the Wizard, the guy who plays Uncle Henry - who, incidentally, has a brutal cover situation where two ensemble boys split his track and do his parts in addition to their own. Jennifer and I sat down and realized that if both the Wizard and Uncle Henry called out on the same show we would have no Wizard. So Jennifer asked our Stage Manager (SM) what would happen in that event. He said, and I quote:

"Oh, well, we thought we'd just put someone in. You know, whoever thought they knew the part..."

There aren't enough exclamation points in the world to fill the space after those words left his lips. But here's an attempt:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just put someone in? Anyone? You? The Flyman???

Wearing what? Anything? Your jacket? My boots??? Just put them in...?????????????????

I think it even sounded dumb to him because he took a look at Jennifer's face and said "uh, maybe we'll revisit that situation..." and ran away.

Oooh, plus! The bonus of the day was finding out that we get exactly one hour to do munchkin fittings for 14 local Florida kids.

one hour

14 kids

say no more because I've already got the knife in my hand...

So half a week in and that's where we are, folks. A 6' tall munchkin and management acting as themselves.

No surprises.